Favorite Dean moments in season 9 (1/?)
7.19 // 9.18
… Damn it, Dean.
After this episode, no one can convince me that their story is not meant to be the show’s romantic subplot. I understand people are saying that it needs to be more obvious, and that it needs to be pronounced in a way there is no ambiguity left about their feelings, and I agree with their reasoning.
Still, it was in this very episode - more than in any of the ones that came before - that I thought that the relationship between Dean and Cas *is* romantic and as such a vital part of this show, its universe and characters. The fact that no reprieve, not even the briefest moment of happiness is granted to the Winchesters and their allies has become part of the deal - in season 9 more than ever. Both Dean and Cas have their own lives, their burdens to bear, their responsibilities to meet. They both have neither time nor inclination to give in to complicated love affairs. They cannot afford to give in to introspection and moments of self-reflection; as it is, I think Dean believes he cannot afford to have a “big gay crisis”, so he just makes sure things do not even get that far. And Cas, on his part, does not even want to dwell on the implications and dangers of an angel loving a man in a very human way.
But even then, despite all that, they steal whatever happiness they can get from each others voices, from the comfort of a fleeting touch. What they feel for each other is romantic love in its purest sense: it serves no purpose, it doesn’t save or destroy the world, it asks for nothing, and demands nothing in return. It’s just there.
And they both know it, and accept it as a part of their lives. That they don’t talk about it, or act on it - at least for the time being - makes perfect sense to me.
3x10 || 5x22, 7x23, 7x06, 8x04
The shadows move over his eyes, mimicking the appearance they would take on if he were to become a demon. He looks down at his arm, to the burden he carries, to the mark that wills him to move forward in his mission. The next time we see him, he has beaten Gadreel unconscious, he himself clearly exhausted from what his body has just endured. It would appear the mark is not only giving him tunnel vision, but it is amplifying his own anger tenfold. It is willing him not only to move forward in his mission, but willing him to hurt, to cause pain.
He was able to stop himself from killing Gadreel, but that was not out of compassion or mercy, in fact, it was possibly the most sadistic move yet. He told Sam it was because he needed Gadreel to talk, but in reality, he wouldn’t show him the mercy of a quick death. Instead he walked away, he looked at his own tired reflection in the mirror, and he walked back into that room with Gadreel and beat him so badly that both of them could no longer stay upright when it was all over.
Meta Fiction | 9.18